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Leaders don't have to have all the answers

On the leader we think we should be, the value of thinking space, and why leadership can still be lonely

Dear Reader,

I recently came across a quote that has stayed with me:

“Your leadership style is the projection of the movie you are playing in your head.”

I thought: wow.

And then I started wondering what movie was playing in my head when I first became a CEO.

I think, for quite a long time, it was some version of fake it till you make it.

Possibly until the day I stopped being a CEO.

There is something slightly strange about becoming a CEO. You have usually accumulated years of experience to get there, but suddenly you are doing a job you have never done before. And everyone expects you to know what you are doing.

Or perhaps, more accurately, you think everyone expects you to know what you are doing.

The CEO in your head

I suspect most of us carry around an image of what a CEO is supposed to be.

Confident. Decisive. Strategic. Inspiring. Good with the board. Good with funders. Good with people. Able to stand on a stage and have something interesting to say.

And preferably with the answer when something goes wrong.

The problem is that the real person inevitably falls short of the imaginary one.

I certainly compared myself with other CEOs and founders, including the founder I had succeeded. It took me time to recognise that trying to be someone else's version of a CEO wasn't going to make me a better one.

I needed to work out what kind of leader I wanted to be.

For me, a big part of that was understanding my values. Not simply being able to write them down, but being clear about how I wanted them to show up in the decisions I made, how I treated people, what I prioritised and what I did when things got difficult.

And importantly, whether people would experience those values even when I wasn't in the room.

Perhaps that is what directing the movie in your own head looks like.

Not eliminating the doubt or suddenly feeling that you have made it. But becoming clearer about the leader you want to be rather than constantly trying to perform the role you think everyone else expects.

But where do leaders go with the uncertainty?

I have been thinking about this from another angle recently.

I have just finished working with a client who initially signed up for three months of biweekly mentoring sessions and then renewed for another three.

I was actually quite surprised when they renewed.

When we finished our work together, their feedback reminded me of something I probably underestimated when I first started doing this work, despite having experienced it myself:

Leadership can be lonely.

There are lots of people a CEO can talk to, but fewer places where they can say:

I have no idea what to do about this.

This person is driving me mad.

I think I know what I want to do, but can I test it with you?

Am I missing something?

Or simply:

It has been a really difficult week.

You can't always say those things to your team. There are things you don't want to take to your board. Friends and family may listen, but don't necessarily understand the context.

So having somewhere to think out loud can matter.

I thought my job was to provide the answers

When I first started mentoring and advising, I felt a pressure to be useful.

I had been a CEO for years. People were paying me for my time. Surely I needed to arrive with answers?

Of course, sometimes that is exactly what clients want. I have experience and perspectives they don't have, and sharing those is part of the value I can bring.

But I am just finishing a six month coaching and mentoring diploma, and it has challenged some of my instincts.

Sometimes the most useful thing I can do is not answer the question.

It might be asking another one. Challenging an assumption. Offering a different perspective. Noticing something they keep coming back to. Or simply giving them the space to talk until they realise what they actually think.

Some clients come to a session with a very specific topic they want to work through. Others arrive and say, essentially, let me tell you about my week.

Both can lead to really useful conversations.

Perhaps we need fewer places where leaders have to perform

The more I think about these two things, the more connected they feel.

Leadership inevitably involves projection. People look to leaders for confidence, direction and judgement, particularly when things are uncertain.

But if you spend all your time performing the version of the leader you think you should be, there isn't much space left to work out what you actually think.

Perhaps all leaders need somewhere they don't have to have the answer.

Somewhere they can question the movie playing in their head, test whether it is still serving them and occasionally rewrite the script.

So two questions I am sitting with:

As one mentoring engagement comes to an end, I have space for two new coaching or mentoring clients over the coming months.

If having that kind of thinking space would be useful, feel free to get in touch.

Warmly,

Liz ​

Strategic Advisor | Former CEO | Founder, Volante

Based in Kenya, available globally