Dear Reader
One of the hardest leadership skills is learning how to give bad news well.
Not avoiding it.
Not delaying it because it feels uncomfortable.
Actually doing it.
Recently, a leader asked me how best to tell a team member they were being let go.
But what they were really worried about was this:
“Will this break trust within the wider team?”
My answer was simple:
In my experience, trust is rarely broken by the hard decision itself.
It is broken by how the decision is handled.
The mistake many leaders make
Particularly with performance issues, teams usually know long before leaders act.
They can see:
• Missed standards
• Uneven contribution
• Growing frustration
• Work others are compensating for
Even when they like the individual personally.
And when nothing happens over time, something quietly shifts.
People begin to ask:
• Are standards actually real here?
• Does accountability matter?
• Is this fair?
• Can leadership make difficult decisions?
Ironically, avoiding difficult conversations in the name of kindness often creates more damage across the wider team.
Kindness is not the same as being liked
I think many leaders confuse:
Being kind
with
being liked
But they are not the same thing.
Being kind is:
• Telling the truth clearly and respectfully
• Giving people time to process
• Treating them with dignity
• Following fair process
• Supporting next steps where possible
• Speaking respectfully about people afterwards too
You may not be liked in that moment.
People may feel:
• Angry
• Defensive
• Embarrassed
• Relieved
• Hurt
Sometimes all at once.
That is normal.
Leadership is not about protecting yourself from being disliked.
It is about doing what is fair for:
• The individual
• The wider team
• The organisation
• And the work itself
The hidden cost of overprotecting teams
This connects to another lesson I learned the hard way.
For a long time, I thought being a good leader meant absorbing pressure for everyone else.
The team was exhausted, so I would take more on myself.
I would:
• Finalise the work
• Take difficult conversations
• Step into meetings
• Quietly carry extra load
But eventually I realised:
I was not solving the real problem.
I was papering over the cracks.
The issue was not effort.
It was prioritisation, clarity and decision making.
So we started doing something deceptively simple:
Less.
Not “more with less.”
Actually less.
We used the urgent/important matrix relentlessly and became more disciplined about:
• Stopping things
• Pausing things
• Saying no
• Clarifying ownership
• Reducing endless consultation
• Accepting trade offs
And honestly, part of leadership is becoming comfortable with disappointing people sometimes.
Not carelessly.
But intentionally.
Because trying to satisfy everyone often creates organisational drift and exhaustion.
What I believe now
Leadership is not:
• Avoiding discomfort
• Protecting everyone from hard realities
• Being endlessly available
• Being liked all the time
Leadership is:
• Clarity
• Fairness
• Accountability
• Prioritisation
• Dignity under pressure
• Building teams that can thrive without heroic leadership constantly holding everything together
I certainly did not perfect this.
I am not sure anyone does.
But I did learn that strong teams and healthy organisations are built intentionally over years, not through short bursts of overwork and rescue leadership.
And I learned that values matter most when decisions are hard.
That is when teams are really watching.
Warmly,
Liz
Strategic Advisor | Former CEO | Founder, Volante
Based in Kenya, available globally
